A recent study found that women tend to initiate divorce more often than men.
But what overarching issues cause them to leave? Below, women reveal the moment they knew their relationships were over.
1. Their marital problems wouldn’t go away, despite attempts to fix them.
“I knew there was no saving my marriage when our problems continued to reappear no matter how much we did to mitigate them. We tried counseling — together and apart — date nights, time with the kids and without, talking and journaling, but nothing worked. There was so much hurt and guilt in feeling like my family was being torn apart, but I finally realized that our kids could see what was going on, even as we tried to hide it. Our marriage was slowly rotting from the inside out, and they were watching it crumble. Luckily, after a lot of work and heartache, we have been able to put our personal feelings aside and find a place to co-parent effectively the majority of the time. Our kiddos now get to see both of us almost every day and they also get to see two happy parents working together for their best interests.” — Kasey Ferris
Our marriage was slowly rotting from the inside out, and the kids were watching it crumble.Kasey Ferris
2. They can’t be the most authentic version of themselves in the relationship.
“There isn’t one particular moment that stands out in my mind as the moment when I knew I was going to leave my marriage. The end came slowly for me, with conflict and unhappiness building over the years, until I ultimately realized that whenever I was being the most authentic version of myself, we fought. I wanted to have the freedom to be myself without feeling like the qualities that are most inherent to who I am were ruining my marriage. Once I recognized this problem as the common thread in most of our arguments, I knew that I couldn’t stay because I simply wasn’t capable of stifling my dreams and passions any longer, nor did I want to.” —Danielle Porter
3. Their marriages are no longer healthy or productive.
“My moment came when I accepted the truth that all the lies, hurt and pain were clear signs that the relationship wasn’t healthy or productive. That moment of truth came on my birthday after celebrating out of town with some friends and finding out that while I was away he was being unfaithful again. It was in that moment that my tears of another hurt became tears of peace. For the first time ever, I knew that it was okay for me to end the marriage. My decision wasn’t based on anger or resentment. It wasn’t based on what he had done but who he had shown himself to be to me, and I knew he was no longer good for my life. I chose to accept the truth and had an inner peace because I knew I had tried everything I possibly could to keep the marriage together after years of watching it fall apart. I never wanted to walk away with ‘what ifs’ and I am thankful because to this day I have none.” —Rachel Scott
I knew I had tried everything I possibly could to keep the marriage together after years of watching it fall apartRachel Scott
4. The love is gone.
“I was exasperated with his disrespectful behavior, yet it wasn’t his behavior that was the final straw. It was my own. When, during one of our many arguments, I heard contempt and nastiness in my own voice, I knew it was time to leave. We’d always had arguments, of course — what couple doesn’t? But even at the moments of utter frustration and anger, there was always an undercurrent of love — some nuance of affection — in my voice. Once that had gone I knew there was no going back.” — Soozi Baggs
5. They don’t like the lives they’re living.
“After 11 years of marriage, I decided to leave when I realized how far I had strayed from my authentic self. We were living in Europe at the time and I had lost my identity. I had taken on my husband’s Dutch surname, I was trying to fit into a culture that was vastly different to what I knew and I couldn’t even communicate with ease, as my Dutch was not fluent and not everyone around spoke English. The exact moment of clarity came to me in the middle of the night, as I lay awake next to my snoring husband, as I had done so many times before. I allowed the words that I had suppressed for so long to flow to the surface: ‘I hate my life.’ That was four years ago. I moved back to Australia with my daughters and my ex-husbandremained in Holland. We speak every night, he comes out here and the girls visit him there. I can honestly say that he remains my best friend. I just don’t want to be married to him.” — Melanie Sheppard